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Taken from a barista community

Me: Hi welcome to starbucks. What can we get you?
Customer: Can I get one of those Tazoberry frappuccinos?
Me: Um. Those have been discontinued for about 5 years.
Customer: What?? I just had one last week at another starbucks.

Somewhere out in the world, there is the Mythical Starbucks. I have yet to find it, but based on field reports from my oh, so credible customer base, I have compiled a list of facts about Mythical Starbucks. Every week, I’ll get a new one… “But at the other starbucks, they can do X”

At mythical starbucks you can still order a Tazoberry citrus.
At mythical starbucks they accept coupons from your email inbox.
At mythical starbucks there’s free wi-fi internet.
At mythical starbucks every drink costs 75 cents less.
At mythical starbucks no coffee bean goes out of stock. Ever.
At mythical starbucks they have non-fat sugar-free decaf frappuccinos.
At mythical starbucks you can get something called a “MooLatté”. Somehow Dairy Queen lets them do this.
At mythical starbucks they never charge you for extra shots of espresso or syrup.
At mythical starbucks every barista can read your mind.
At mythical starbucks a cappuccino has chocolate in it.
At mythical starbucks they have fat-free whipped cream.
At mythical starbucks they sell every newspaper ever published in the entire world.
At mythical starbucks they always have iced lemon pound cake in stock. If not, they’ll bake it in the Mythical Starbucks oven.
At mythical starbucks everything has whipped cream on it automatically. Unless you don’t want it, in which case the mythical starbucks baristas already read your mind (see above).
At mythical starbucks you can throw ANY drink in a blender.
At mythical starbucks every syrup is available sugar free.
At mythical starbucks they have sizes bigger than Venti.
At mythical starbucks they give drinks away for free.
At mythical starbucks you can get a pumpkin spice latte year-round.
At mythical starbucks they still have Mint Mocha Chip frappuccinos.
At mythical starbucks you can buy a pepsi.
At mythical starbucks they sell hotdogs (?)
At mythical starbucks they stay open 25 hours a day, 372 days a year.
At mythical starbucks they do, in fact, have a size called “regular”.

Alas, this magical mythical starbucks has never been found by me or any of my co-workers. I’m going to make it my life goal to search the globe for this starbucks. I fully expect the floors to be made of gold and they’ll have arabian mocha java in stock.

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